Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
