Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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