Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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