Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sober January is a disaster.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
