She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
