I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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