i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
