I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
