I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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