I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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