K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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