I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize