My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
