everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
