actually, I'm a sock model
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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