Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito