Are you guys doing anything tonight?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine