His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his