Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper

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  (773): Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper http://tfl.nu/ngxc
  Replies (9) Good night (2782) Bad night (500)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.

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  (860): I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore. http://tfl.nu/igz1
  Replies (32) Good night (678) Bad night (3041)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  That was long passed due.

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  (414): I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol" (262): That was long passed due. http://tfl.nu/6bqu
  Replies (36) Good night (5054) Bad night (941)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.

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  (905): he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family. http://tfl.nu/wcpl
  Replies (8) Good night (810) Bad night (5260)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.

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  (603): Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/rqjn
  Replies (8) Good night (2241) Bad night (1241)
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  (518): View more from New York

  hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river

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  (518): hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river http://tfl.nu/791q
  Replies (12) Good night (2552) Bad night (725)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems

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  (519): she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems http://tfl.nu/ja9t
  Replies (13) Good night (3445) Bad night (745)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.

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  (732): Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate. http://tfl.nu/stwp
  Replies (9) Good night (1500) Bad night (596)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce

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  (570): I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce http://tfl.nu/7uec
  Replies (2) Good night (880) Bad night (529)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?

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  (832): I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested? http://tfl.nu/a21v
  Replies (7) Good night (1990) Bad night (454)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.

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  (434): Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them. http://tfl.nu/1lvf
  Replies (19) Good night (1494) Bad night (490)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.

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  (973): Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs. http://tfl.nu/4tj9
  Replies (9) Good night (785) Bad night (336)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING

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  (317): Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING http://tfl.nu/f8zp
  Replies (6) Good night (898) Bad night (219)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Explain the King Dong next to my face.

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  (570): Explain the King Dong next to my face. http://tfl.nu/zscw
  Replies (2) Good night (336) Bad night (177)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice

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  (514): I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice http://tfl.nu/zb9l
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (158)

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