she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She's allergic to latex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup