I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car