I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Four minutes until I can fart!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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