Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
