You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
