sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
