we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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