you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
