we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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