Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
