I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
