RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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