..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
