I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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