his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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