if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
