If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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