I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
