had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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