bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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