Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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