I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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