I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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