I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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