yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
