You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
