I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
