Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
