Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
