shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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