69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
