every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
