You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
