I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
