A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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