Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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