So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Four minutes until I can fart!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
