oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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