Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
