It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
