the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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