So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
