OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
