why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
