Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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