Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
