I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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