Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
