we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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