I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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