Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish my penis had an off switch
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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