Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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