I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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